Dear Neighbor,
The purpose of a car alarm is to alert you, the car owner that someone is attempting to commit grand theft auto. The purpose of a car alarm is not to annoy your neighbors. Last night and this morning, your car alarm annoyed a significant number of your neighbors.
Last night at 10:30 when the alarm first started, I was concerned that someone might be attempting to break into or steal a car. Given the notices distributed by the apartment management stating an increase of burglaries this was logical assumption on my part. I looked out of the window to confirm that it was not my car. I wrongfully assumed that you would do the same thing. At 11:00 pm when the alarm was still sounding, it was painfully obvious that you did not do the same thing.
This morning at 6:20 am your alarm started again. At 6:50 am your alarm was still sounding. At 7:10 am I gathered up my belongings to leave for work, and apologized to Annie for the ongoing noise. She gave me slightly frantic look over her shoulder as she ran underneath the bed.
At 7:15 am I called the Non-Emergency Number for the local police department to report a noise disturbance. The dispatcher asked for the make, model, and license plate number of the offending vehicle. As I went onto my balcony to try to make them out, I could see our neighbors standing on their balconies looking at your car. The dispatcher wanted to know if I wanted to talk with an officer, and I said, No, I just want the alarm to stop. I thanked the dispatcher for her assistance and left for work.
I saw you walking to your car to turn off the alarm. Actually, you sauntered. I heard some of our neighbors say things to you from their balcony. Unfortunately, I could not hear what they said to you. I could see the look on your face, and you looked surprised and offended by this public rebuke. I also saw another neighbor writing down your license plate number. As I drove past your car, I saw a note underneath your wipers. I think I have a good idea what that note says.
Your car alarm sounded for over 30 minutes last night and almost an hour this morning. I am not a vengeful person and I try to live a life of grace, balance, and mercy. I do not normally crave justice. Justice is brutal and gives us what we deserve and demands we pay the full price. Mercy gives you a coupon. In your selfish and thoughtless case, I hope that the 90 minutes your car alarm sounded drained your car battery enough for you to require a jump from a neighbor. I hope the neighbor gives you a jump and explains why being an ass always comes back to haunt you.
Sincerely,
Your Neighbor
P.S. I wrote this after getting to work and realizing that I was so distracted by your car alarm that I forgot my bag full of snacks, Entertainment Weekly, and birthday cards. I am sure that contributed to my less than pleasant mood.
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