Let me look that up for you.

I was at a Travel Stop in North Carolina, and a woman darted up to me and said, "Is this a dry county?"

I didn't have a clue, and I replied, "I don't have the slightest idea."

She looked me up and down, and dashed out of the store. She didn't even stop to ask the clerk at the counter.

I looked it up. The answer is no. Kenly, NC is in Johnston County. Johnston County is not dry.

I hope she found some booze. It seemed really important to her.

Text Gone Wrong

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the kind of conversation one should never have via text.

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BiblioDiva to MKWF and MMTM:
In Wilson, NC. Please record tonight's episode of Top Gear. Find it on the screen program guide and press the record button on the remote.

MKWF:
Mom is at the Hospital. Go email.

BiblioDiva to MKWF:
Is she at the hospital or in the hospital? Phone and email not working.

MKWF:
Can you call me now?


I pulled over. I called. All is well. Now.

Of course, I'll give you my credit card number!

For the past month or so I have been trying to sell my sofa and chair. I placed online ads in the usual places and here are some of the responses I received:

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Please mail me your home address so that I can begin the arrangement of making a check to you or the fastest i can is through your credit card i.e if you have one via wire transfer but if you don't have, there is no problem, just mail me your address.

There wouldn't be a problem about the trabsportation as i agreed on taking care of that and once the payment is made and cleared i would come down and pick my property?
Jimmy Gardner

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Let me have your contact details as stated below:
Name you want to be written on the check:
Home Address:
City:
State:
Country:
Postal-Code:
Phone Number/Office Number:
I look forward to hear from you ASAP and payment will reach you with additional amount,okay?.
Best Wishes
John Rhodes....

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hello.......... I'm Mary Slone, I hail from FLORIDA in TAMPA city, I came across your advert and am highly interested in Purchasing your (Storehouse Sofa and Chair) which you offer for sale.Due to the fact that its been a long time have been searching for it, Please Kindly get back to me as soon as possible with the necessary answers to the question in20mind, Are you the first owner? The present condition? Your final asking price?And I will also like you to send me Pictures to enable me view what I intend to purchase and i will like you to know that my form of payment is through a Check and I await your urgent response so that we can proceed further. Awaiting your urgent Respond Regards
Mary

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Glad to read from you. I'm really interested in the item but i'm so sorry as i won't be able to come for a look as i'm the busy type.I'm okay with your price listed, I need you to understand that i am willing and ready to purchase it right away, consider me as your favorite buyer .I'm sending you a money order and i will overnight the payment to you.which you will get cash at any postal office around you or cashing store or bank, you can then release the item for my shipper, all you have to do is cash the payment, then deduct your own part for the item,

whatever the rest balance is, send it to my Shipper who would then come round for the pickup of the item. Please email me the following details ...

your Payable Name and
contact Address and your
cell number

Once you get back to me with all the above, the money order will be issued out soon and it will be sent to you,i will also be offering you extra $50 for reserving the item for me till the shipper comes for the pick up .Hope to hear from you immediately..
Thanks.

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Hello good morning , I do like to know the final asking price ,As for the shipment i have my agent who would take care of that so let me know the final asking price and send me full name and address for payment to be sent to you .After you confirm the payment i shall get back to you with date of pick so you could make it ready .. I hope this alright by you

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Hello,
Thanks for getting back to me,i really neeed the item very
soon .All i need from you is to get
back to me with your contact address so that my secretary
will be able to issue out the check to you over night..More
also i want you to withdraw the advert of the item from
website,moreover i will be willingly to compensate you with
extra $30 for that ok.so I will need you to provide me with
the following information to facilitate the mailing of the
check .
1.Your full name
2.Your mailing address be it residential or postal address
3.Your Mobile phone number
.I will like you to know that you will not be responsible for
shipping,i will have my mover come over as soon as you have
cashed the check .Hope you can be trusted?
Thanks
Mr Ben

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Here was my response:

um...right...

How To Avoid Falling Victim To Cashier Check Scams:

No matter how sweet the deal, don't get involved in any sale where the buyer wants you to accept a check for an inflated amount and refund the overage. If you accept a cashier's check as payment for something you have sold or rented, make sure it has cleared the issuing bank before you refund any money or surrender possession of the vended item. It may take two to three weeks for the banking system to determine the check is counterfeit, so even if the funds look like they're available (and even if your bank tells you they are), hold onto whatever it was you sold and the funds you received for it for three weeks.

If you have been bilked, call the U.S. Secret Service at (202) 406-5572 or write to U.S. Secret Service, Financial Crimes Division, 950 H St. N.W., Washington, DC 20223.

Also, call your state attorney general's consumer protection division.

http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/cashier.asp

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The frustratingly, annoying thing about these emails is they send them out, because they work. They don't need to have a large number of people to respond. Just enough to cover the overhead and labor costs of servers, laser printers, and what not.


Let's be careful out there.

Things I Learned During Thanksgiving Holiday...

Nutter Butter Banana Pudding is a thing of beauty.

The Nutter Butter Banana Pudding recipe could use some clarifying.

I do not need more serving platters. I need to unpack the serving platters I currently own.

I need to keep a careful eye on my growing love of vintage of jewelry, minks, and dresses. This could develop into a serious problem.

Buying two pies because one is free means there will be one too many pies in the house.

Some cats never learn.

Ridding oneself of a back ache is not easy.

December is really too late to buy good tasting apples at the Farmer's Market.

I am definitely regretting not preserving fruits in the spring and summer.

It is possible to not have dressing, corn pudding, and macaroni and cheese on the Thanksgiving table and still enjoying the meal.

It is impossible to not have Pink Stuff, collard greens, and corn bread on the Thanksgiving table and still enjoy the meal.

Not recognizing most of the performers in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade makes me feel old and cranky.

Making Thanksgiving dinner with my mother was more fun than I could imagine.

I need to buy another apron or two.

It is imperative to clean as you cook if two cooks are sharing a small kitchen.

Annie and Phillip will never snuggle up together, but the hissing and growling may one day stop.

My mother accurately called the 2:35am driveway moment: a domestic dispute.

I am doomed to continually order the wrong size and kind of hot dog at Eastern Market.

I missed having the fifth Oliver at the Thanksgiving table more than I imagined I would.

Letter of Reference

This was written for me by a high school friend. She is actually a medical doctor at a well known hospital. She did not actually submit this piece of fiction to anyone other than me.

To say that I laughed heartily would be an understatement...

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Dear Sir or Madam:

I am writing in response to your request for a clearance referral for BiblioDiva. I have known her for 24 years, during which time I have been able to observe her in a variety of different settings. As such, I feel very qualified to comment on her ethical and moral code.

I have not directly worked with Ms. BiblioDiva, however, from what I’ve heard, she has really toned down the drinking and heroine use, and very rarely shows up for work intoxicated anymore. Further, she had already stopped sleeping with direct family members of her colleagues last I heard a few years ago. I’m confident that her abstinence from this activity will remain relatively consistent. Please don’t take this to imply that BiblioDiva is no longer fun to work with, though. I’m sure that her obscene sense of humor and cruel practical jokes continue to be a source of great entertainment for everyone in her office!

Please accept my strong support for Ms. BiblioDiva. What she lacks ethically she more that makes up for with her fun-loving spirit!

Respectfully submitted,

An M.D.