Things I Learned While in Georgia

When working in the yard or planning any outdoor activity, before 10:00am and after 6:00 pm is the optimum time to avoid heat stroke.

Blackberries that are freshly picked and still warm from the sun will make me do a happy dance.

My father does not always say the right thing, but the moments he says the absolutely right thing cause me to tear up.

If I say to my mother, "They're selling KKK flags back there" she will hear, "They're selling Confederate flags back there."

When my mother sees the KKK flags herself I will need to tell her to not slow down the car, keep driving, and say, "I told you they were selling KKK flags, not Confederate flags. I'm a Southerner, I know the Stars and Bars when I see them!"

The best kinds of watermelons to buy are the ones loaded in the back of the pick up truck that has just come from the fields.

It is a good idea to check a dress for a side seam zipper before trying on the dress.

My father is the king of stringing too many extension cords together. By too many, I mean, extension cords plugged into extension cords plugged into surge protectors.

My mother can become so upset with me that will call my friends to chastise me because she is at a loss for words.

With the right amount of encouragement I could become addicted to buying shoes.

The promise of buttermilk pancakes at Cracker Barrel will have my mother and me out of the bed and into the car within 15 minutes.

If you have not made any inquiries about my well being over the past 8 weeks, it is an extremely bad idea to call my mother and criticize how she's cared for me.

I need to know the spacing of the belt loops on my pants in order to buy the right belt.

I enjoy knitting and should knit on a regular basis.

Escaping The Beltway on a regular basis has an amazing restorative effect on the heart, mind, and soul.

Things I Learned in the Past Two Weeks...

Any time a trained competent medical professional says you have a blockage, whatever happens next is going to be quite unpleasant.

I would put my A Team up against The A Team any day of the week.

The only place I could get cell phone reception at the GW Hospital was next to the window. This is not useful when you're hooked up to two different machines that are right next to your bed.

My father is uncomfortable in hospitals.

Saying hello and see you later to the LunaticLibrarian still makes me cry.

Being in a hospital bed and hooked up to two different machines still won't stop me from being flustered by an intelligent, attractive man with beautiful eyes.

The hospital cafeteria did what I thought was impossible: mess up a grilled cheese sandwich.

My mother is stronger and more fragile than I ever knew.

Despite what Bill Kurtis says, AT&T's 3G network is slow at the GW Hospital.

The northbound I-95 rest stops in South Carolina are worse than the southbound I-95 rest stops.

I am becoming better at living a purposeful, intentional life, managing my response to change, and worrying less.

The problem with Know-It-Alls is that they don't.

Things I Learned This Week...

If my father needs to take a shower, and there's a cat lounging in the bath tub, he will go use the other bathroom instead of disturbing the cat.

My mother can say, "Tomorrow is another day" and "Fiddle dee dee dee" without me laughing hysterically or rolling my eyes.

A brownie sundae with chocolate and caramel sauces and a little bit of small batch produced honey is as good as it sounds.

I would love to hear suggestions on how to let people know that I'm not going to participate in Mafia Wars or respond to most Facebook application requests. I keep clicking Ignore, is it time to step up to Block?

Being in the passenger seat while someone else drives can cause me to tense up. I will try not to make this an analogy for the rest of my life.

My parents can make me laugh until I'm doubled over, tears are running down my cheeks, and I start to snort.

I can comfortably sleep with two feuding cats at the foot of my bed.

I am subscribed to too many blogs and need to severely prune the list.

I am subscribed to too many of the wrong magazines and need to update some subscriptions.

Three weeks of unread mail is a lot of mail.

I am quite excited about being able to resume exercising and rebuilding my strength and endurance.

I need a miter box, saw, and nail gun for my next home decorating project.

My mother has all of the above items and offered to lend them to me.

I am disappointed that the three hybrid vehicles offered by Toyota do not meet my future car buying needs.

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like my home.

My Crackpot Missions

Campaign against the use of BBQ when people actually mean grilling. Two different cooking methods, people. Two different results.

Stop the misspelling of the contraction of you and all. The apostrophe replaces the missing letters.

Get people to say "Excuse me" when they want to pass me by instead of running me over. How in the world am I supposed to know that I'm obstructing your path, if you don't let me know. Thankfully, I cannot read minds.

Find a polite way to tell people to not slurp their coffee or any other beverage or foodstuff around me. Part of good table manners are the ability to eat your food without alerting your dining companions or other people in the room. Unless you're eating celery, apples, or some similarly textured food.

Find a way to stop people from dragging their heels or shoes when they walk. If your shoes or feet are so heavy that you cannot pick them up, then they should be removed.

Come up with the appropriate response to the following comments:

• Everything is on the internet, who needs a library?
• Public libraries are free.
• I would love to be a librarian so that I can read books all day.
• How can you not like dogs?
• I'm not a racist/homophobe/misogynist, because I have an Asian/Gay/Female friend.

Convince people to stop interviewing Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.

Things I Learned in the Past Two Weeks...

Although I had no problems pushing an empty grocery cart, picking up one 13lb cat right after another stressed my stitches.

My mother has started using the verb shank, and instead of being disturbed, it makes me laugh.

My parents did not believe me when I said Annie would not respond well to Phillip.

Phillip is responding to Annie with indifference.

If men responded to beautiful, smart, bad tempered women the way Phillip responds to Annie, the world would be a better place.

My mother likes to asks questions and make declarations such as, "OH! They're married!" during movies.

Instead of offering his arm, my father prefers to grip my arm like a vise when providing support while I'm walking.

Since my surgery, sleeping with a night light has been extremely comforting.

Better Homes & Garden has some interior design ideas that I actually like and will probably use.

If you eat a grape sour gumball, expecting it to be a black licorice gumball, you will be unpleasantly surprised.

Reordering my Netflix queue isn't as fun as it used to be.

Getting my family and friends hooked on Top Gear and Ninja Warriors was more fun than I anticipated.

I have not done as much knitting as I anticipated.

Dirty rice is an excellent source of iron, particularly if it's made with wild rice instead of white.

Hearing the ache in a friend's voice as she contemplates putting her beloved dog down will make me cry.

Southern Living magazine did a profile article on the people of Natchez, MS and managed to not interview one black person.

I am proud to be a Southerner, but believe living further south than Virginia would break my heart.